Monday, January 17, 2011

Hello, my friends

As I sit here contemplating what to say I have realized that I like so many of you am just plain exhausted. It seems like there is always some fight every day that we all have to gear up for and face head on. It is no wonder that we are all just surviving. I wish I had an "easy" button and that things just got done on their own. I never realized how much caregivers do, until I myself became one. I never imagined that I would be a caregiver to my husband at such a young age. If I had only known how much responsibility I would have as an adult, I would have savored my childhood days so much more. Isn't it funny that when we were young we wanted so badly to be all grown up? Now that I am all grown up, I wish I could run away from it all some days.

We are almost 5 years post injury, and I keep thinking it will get easier, but yet I have to admit that for me it seems to be getting more difficult. My days are filled with task after task, and worry after worry. I often wonder if I will be able to sustain this level of care for many years to come. I have pretty much put all of my dreams on the back burner, which totally sucks but has to be reality for now. I think about the kids and how young they are, I pray they don't grow up resenting us for being so different than other families. What are your fears? What is the hardest part about being a caregiver? There are so many days when I have to deal with resentment towards my husband, even though I know logically none of this is his fault, it still strains our marriage.

So how do we keep going when we are the least supported piece of the puzzle? The VA often ignores us, we get shoved to the back of the waiting rooms while everything is focused on the Veteran. Many case manager's put up with us instead of working with us. It seems like at every turn we are faced with opposition instead of support. I won't even get into the caregiver bill because we all know where that is at this point. I find support in my other Wounded Warrior Wife friends, and other caregiver's as well. This network of support here at VCG has been instrumental in my sanity during on many different occasions. In fact, my main support does not come from family, but from those in the same situation. Together we can make a huge difference.

My goal for this blog as far as my contribution goes, will be to share my own struggles and positive progress as well. I also hope to discuss some different "hot topics" that we are often faced with. I hope you all have a great week!


  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I'm struck by how similar many of our stories are. As a rule, we are a resilient (tired of that word!) bunch, we stand by our veteran, and we manage nearly every other aspect of a family life singled-handedly, and with the HOPE that someday the way we live will improve.

    How do we keep on going when we feel pushed into the corner? Like you, I seek out friends and obviously my fellow caregivers here. You really summed it up with the "least supported piece of the puzzle". Thats so true. Joking aside, can you imagine if the VA tried to care for our spouses on a daily basis? If we went on strike? LOL,they would finally understand TBI and PTSD, wouldn't they? I try not to become angry, but I do know I thought my life would be vastly different than it is now.

    I admire you in managing children on top of care, but I find that my anger is the tough part. I swallow it, and that isn't healthy. The thought that the VA is lagging on the caregiver bill makes me sick to my stomach -- we have been solid troopers, we keep hope alive, but I also don't know how to face a future with little hope and no cooperation.

    Freedom never comes cheaply, but I don't believe that caregivers should pay a life-long price when the promises made are broken. I apologize for this somewhat negative posting, but today is one of those dark days. With some prayers, I know that tomorrow might be a brighter one. Thank you Vetspouse2.

    Have a good week also!

  2. Awesome post and thoughts I think of everyday. As caregivers I cannot imagine what we would do without being there for each othe whether to share resources, share stories or be an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. When I started my blog back in 2007, I was already a year into navigating the world of being the spouse of a wounded warrior, I didn't even know to use the title CAREGIVER! Thankfully by going to my first caregiver retreat in May of 2007, I found the women who were like me! It was both amazing and overwhelming, but I am so thankful for the opportunities it opened up for me and the friends it left me with. FB has as well be a lifesaver, to stay connected as well as share those ever important resources.
    Being a caregiver/wife/spouse to a WW is something that is not easy, not is it understood by the outside world. There is awareness happening, and that has been my goal from the minute I began my Blog, but it takes all of us to get the word out to those who don't GET IT and to those who join the club none of us ever wanted to be a part of.
    Thank you for being so honest and open.
    You know I am here for you and we are on the same page!