Greetings,
After years
of working with Caregivers, warriors, and families, a particular cycle of
emotional health of the Caregiver has been noted. We call these Caregiver Cycles, and we’ll
give you only one visual, though many others would work as well.
There is
the Cycle 1, the strong cycle when we feel put together, relatively
well-informed, there is a decent communication pattern with our warrior’s care
team, and as the Caregiver, you feel quite positive. Your phone calls are returned, you see and
feel progress, and you feel HOPE. One vital thing about Hope is that it makes you mentally and emotional ready and willing
to keep on working to improve your quality of life and that of your family. This is a good place to be!
Because
caregiving is seldom a linear process, there are also times that may feel less
accomplished and less effective. This is
Cycle 2. Though you are still
optimistic, you’re noticing that you are not making as much progress as before,
there is a backslide in your warrior’s or your forward motion, or you’ve hit a
new hurdle to overcome. The longer you’ve
been a caregiver, it seems that these periods wear you down more each time you
experience them. They also feel longer
to you if you’re battling something for the second, tenth, or fiftieth
time. This is a time of concern for
yourself and your family, isn’t it? You are exhausted, and somehow that makes
each unreturned phone call or cancelled appointment feel worse. You may be feeling higher anxiety, or less
capability in managing the many details of caregiving. In other words, you’ve lost some of yourself
in the process, you're leaning, and pieces of you are missing.
Then there
are those days when you’re not sure you can get out of bed to face another day,
or you can’t sleep because your mind is struggling for solutions. This is the much dreaded Cycle 3. You feel
depleted, and search mightily for that spark of light you know you have within,
but where is it? You put one foot in
front of the other, but this is a desperate/invisible/spent phase of time. Please seek help when you feel this way. Others have been here too, and your work is
SO critical that you must stay present and care-seeking. Reach out to your doctors, friends, and
family – you WILL get through this time, but don’t try to do it alone. We all need somewhere to lean, so reach out
for assistance (therapists, pastors, helplines, doctors).
The goal is
to keep the cycles to the TWO levels, and construct supports to avoid the
third. Let’s work together to support,
guide, and reach out to keep each other strong, okay? Remember, the shampoo directions give you two
cycles only. Strive for Rinse and Repeat
– and avoid that third cycle altogether.
With care,
Linda Kreter & the VeteranCaregiver Team
