It may have been
a hard week, month, year for you. You’ve
stepped mightily into each challenge with hope, optimism, and sound
strategy. Yet, each time, you find
yourself plunged a little more into bewilderment, sadness, and anxiety. Standing up strongly, you know you have that
little bit more within you to take another step – but it’s a hard step to take.
This is not
about mistakes you’ve made, or choices made.
It’s about those times when you’re absolutely not in charge of the
outcome despite your best efforts. Despite
your insanely wonderful capabilities, and personal drive.
It’s when logic does not prevail that brings on that feeling of
helplessness. Sometimes, it’s only a
mere step to hopelessness, and that’s to be avoided. If it can’t, professional help may be needed,
and seek it.
So, what do
you do? Maybe it’s time to hit the PAUSE
button. Slow down and think about the
steps you’ve taken and those you haven’t. Take time to look closely at the
situation and slowly remove emotion from the equation. Mostly let’s talk about this with
relationships, professional and personal.
We all know
we cannot change other people, but only ourselves. Looking at situations from a different
perspective, and looking at the possible priorities of others may provide a
glimmer of understanding. Those times
when you’ve revealed that your plans and hopes were hampered by others either
afraid of change, or because of power or ego show you valuable lessons.
Why?
Because you aren’t likely to make those fears go away (hint: they are not your fears), and those who
misuse power with inflated egos usually show a pattern of behavior, also not
likely to change. Bottom line: only YOU can change the course. And, YOU are
creative and innovative, strong and strategic.
Trust this.
Possible
steps:
1.
Look at options. Could you alter your timing, your approach,
find alternatives, or refine your goal?
If so, explore those opportunities as a new approach to achieve the same
goal.
2.
Scrap your
plans. This is a severe but possible
response. For example, if you’ve been
trying to achieve change with many approaches and failed often due to others’ actions
or behavior, it may be time to walk away.
Staying too long at anything just because you invested time in it seldom
works out. However, if you scrap your plans, insert a new plan to take its
place, even if that plan is to pause.
Nature will fill a vacuum; make it YOUR choice to do so.
3.
Use the Pause
Button to explore an entirely new path you may not have considered because SURELY one of your previous explorations would have
worked. Now that it didn’t, let your
mind walk down different paths.
4. You are NOT alone. Talk with trusted friends and advisors. Talking things through with someone who really "hears" you is invaluable
5. Nurture your
confidence. You are only in this
temporary helplessness place BECAUSE YOU TRIED.
Those who don’t try may not know the feeling of failure, but it’s often
failure that leads to fresh ideas and renewed optimism.
Stay within
the realm of hope, consider how strong you’ve been to persist, and take the
time to ponder your new path. Often, the
failures of the past lead to growth and plans you might have missed – failure is
grounding for options, opportunities, learning, and even gratitude. Do we LIKE this experience? Of course not. Yet, look at each life experience from all
angles, and grow in wisdom, creativity, and confidence you’ll achieve your
goals. It’s just around the corner!
Linda Kreter
and the VeteranCaregiver Team
