Failure, Helplessness, New Hope, and Growth

It may have been a hard week, month, year for you.  You’ve stepped mightily into each challenge with hope, optimism, and sound strategy.  Yet, each time, you find yourself plunged a little more into bewilderment, sadness, and anxiety.  Standing up strongly, you know you have that little bit more within you to take another step – but it’s a hard step to take.

This is not about mistakes you’ve made, or choices made.  It’s about those times when you’re absolutely not in charge of the outcome despite your best efforts.  Despite your insanely wonderful capabilities, and personal drive.  It’s when logic does not prevail that brings on that feeling of helplessness.  Sometimes, it’s only a mere step to hopelessness, and that’s to be avoided.  If it can’t, professional help may be needed, and seek it. 

So, what do you do?  Maybe it’s time to hit the PAUSE button.  Slow down and think about the steps you’ve taken and those you haven’t. Take time to look closely at the situation and slowly remove emotion from the equation.  Mostly let’s talk about this with relationships, professional and personal. 

 We all know we cannot change other people, but only ourselves.  Looking at situations from a different perspective, and looking at the possible priorities of others may provide a glimmer of understanding.  Those times when you’ve revealed that your plans and hopes were hampered by others either afraid of change, or because of power or ego show you valuable lessons.  

Why?  Because you aren’t likely to make those fears go away (hint:  they are not your fears), and those who misuse power with inflated egos usually show a pattern of behavior, also not likely to change.  Bottom line:  only YOU can change the course. And, YOU are creative and innovative, strong and strategic.  Trust this.

Possible steps:

1.      Look at options.  Could you alter your timing, your approach, find alternatives, or refine your goal?  If so, explore those opportunities as a new approach to achieve the same goal.

2.     Scrap your plans.  This is a severe but possible response.  For example, if you’ve been trying to achieve change with many approaches and failed often due to others’ actions or behavior, it may be time to walk away.  Staying too long at anything just because you invested time in it seldom works out. However, if you scrap your plans, insert a new plan to take its place, even if that plan is to pause.  Nature will fill a vacuum; make it YOUR choice to do so.

3.     Use the Pause Button to explore an entirely new path you may not have considered because SURELY one of your previous explorations would have worked.  Now that it didn’t, let your mind walk down different paths.

4.     You are NOT alone.  Talk with trusted friends and advisors.  Talking things through with someone who really "hears" you is invaluable

5.  Nurture your confidence.  You are only in this temporary helplessness place BECAUSE YOU TRIED.  Those who don’t try may not know the feeling of failure, but it’s often failure that leads to fresh ideas and renewed optimism.

Stay within the realm of hope, consider how strong you’ve been to persist, and take the time to ponder your new path.  Often, the failures of the past lead to growth and plans you might have missed – failure is grounding for options, opportunities, learning, and even gratitude.  Do we LIKE this experience?  Of course not.  Yet, look at each life experience from all angles, and grow in wisdom, creativity, and confidence you’ll achieve your goals.  It’s just around the corner!

Linda Kreter and the VeteranCaregiver Team