I usually read all the postings on here and I have noticed something recently which is in a way rather disturbing. I mean the small snippets of good news that some people have posted about.
No, I have not lost my mind, because what I am realizing is that it is actually newsworthy to have any kind of good outcome from the dealings with the VA. All those who post regularly and those who have recently joined this network, have dealt with so much junk from the VA, ranging from rudeness and ignorance to downright dangerous medical practices. We are starting to take this a normal. That is scary!
It should be newsworthy if someone is treated badly; if they have been insulted by a VA practitioner; if they have had to wait months for an appointment or told their situation is not an emergency or is the fault of their caregiver. These are the things that should be unusual, but sadly they are the norm.
I do think it is about time that someone at the head of the VA should begin by reading what is written here, and considering what needs to be done, and done quickly, to help our incredible Veterans and their families.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
A Troubling Trend?
Something that has been on my mind all day needs to be shared. I have recently witnessed a troubling thing, not only through my own experiences but also those of others I know. It seems that because the VA is so stretched in certain areas that I am seeing counselor's that do not have proper certification or training taking on cases. For example, I have seen a Psychologist trained in MST taking on combat stress cases and being totally unqualified to handle the specifics that go along with that type of counseling. Now, I do understand that every counselor has a baseline of knowledge, but I also believe there is a reason why you choose a specialty and I do NOT feel like they should be mixed, if the proper training has not been completed for such mixing of specialties. Another troubling thing I have heard of is Psychologists with no Neurological background screening Vets for TBI. I have a huge problem with this as well and It is frustrating to know that these things are happening. Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this, and if so does it bother you? I appreciate any feedback you all have.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Lack of Consistency
It is no wonder that this generation of OIF/OEF Veteran's are frustrated and feel less than important. It seems that as I care for my husband and converse with other Veteran's and their caregivers that the stories are eerily familiar, and it is sickening to me. I am sitting here fuming when I should be sleeping. Why do we have to fight for EVERY little thing? What happened to the respect? It seems like the VA does not even understand the meaning of that word. They need to wake up and realize that the Veteran's of Iraq and Afghanistan have different needs and injuries than past wars. They also have young families that are falling apart because of the lack of support.
I am in no way trying to disrespect previous era's of Veterans because they have paved the way for our OIF/OEF Veterans, but these wars have been going on for quite a few years now and it is time to get on top of things, and support the whole family dynamic. I feel like because that is such an overwhelming concept, the VA gives up before they even try. Here's a concept instead of having panels of so called government big wigs and "experts" have a panel of OIF/OEF Vets and their Caregivers and ask what kind of program would be most beneficial, go straight to the source and not just the same few people.
So how can we impact the VA? I think the best way is to be vocal and keep our voices heard even when its incredibly exhausting. I think we all need to utilize our congress/senator reps more than we do. I think the reason we don't often times is because it is yet another thing to have to do. I know that I myself am guilty on this one, but hope to make changes even if they are small. Another way to be involved is to check out your local VFW, American Legion, etc. I know that most of them are comprised of what many of us would consider "old people" or older Veterans but I truly believe they have so much wisdom to offer. I try to thank them for their service when out in public and you wouldnt believe how many of them are shocked that I even said anything.
I believe that the VFW, American Legion, etc. truly want to reach out to these younger Veterans and families but may feel incredibly lost because they don't know how to keep up with such a social media generation. Also, they don't know we are here unless we make ourselves known to them. There are also MANY online resources specific to OIF/OEF Veterans and I will include a few links at the end of this post. I hope that with the little time to research you may have, that you will look into these resources and find something that is helpful to you. See the below links and until next time I post, hang in there, keep going, you are so crucial to your service member so don't forget that, and YOU MATTER SO MUCH! :)
Note: These links cover a variety of topics and there is a lot of information to sift through so bookmark it and take it at a pace you can handle.. I want to say that the second link actually has videos for caregivers specifically.
Links
http://www.intheirboots.com/itb/resources.html
http://www.traumaticbraininjuryatoz.org/Home.aspx
http://www.operationwearehere.com/WoundedWarriors.html
http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org/
I am in no way trying to disrespect previous era's of Veterans because they have paved the way for our OIF/OEF Veterans, but these wars have been going on for quite a few years now and it is time to get on top of things, and support the whole family dynamic. I feel like because that is such an overwhelming concept, the VA gives up before they even try. Here's a concept instead of having panels of so called government big wigs and "experts" have a panel of OIF/OEF Vets and their Caregivers and ask what kind of program would be most beneficial, go straight to the source and not just the same few people.
So how can we impact the VA? I think the best way is to be vocal and keep our voices heard even when its incredibly exhausting. I think we all need to utilize our congress/senator reps more than we do. I think the reason we don't often times is because it is yet another thing to have to do. I know that I myself am guilty on this one, but hope to make changes even if they are small. Another way to be involved is to check out your local VFW, American Legion, etc. I know that most of them are comprised of what many of us would consider "old people" or older Veterans but I truly believe they have so much wisdom to offer. I try to thank them for their service when out in public and you wouldnt believe how many of them are shocked that I even said anything.
I believe that the VFW, American Legion, etc. truly want to reach out to these younger Veterans and families but may feel incredibly lost because they don't know how to keep up with such a social media generation. Also, they don't know we are here unless we make ourselves known to them. There are also MANY online resources specific to OIF/OEF Veterans and I will include a few links at the end of this post. I hope that with the little time to research you may have, that you will look into these resources and find something that is helpful to you. See the below links and until next time I post, hang in there, keep going, you are so crucial to your service member so don't forget that, and YOU MATTER SO MUCH! :)
Note: These links cover a variety of topics and there is a lot of information to sift through so bookmark it and take it at a pace you can handle.. I want to say that the second link actually has videos for caregivers specifically.
Links
http://www.intheirboots.com/itb/resources.html
http://www.traumaticbraininjuryatoz.org/Home.aspx
http://www.operationwearehere.com/WoundedWarriors.html
http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org/
Monday, January 17, 2011
Hello, my friends
As I sit here contemplating what to say I have realized that I like so many of you am just plain exhausted. It seems like there is always some fight every day that we all have to gear up for and face head on. It is no wonder that we are all just surviving. I wish I had an "easy" button and that things just got done on their own. I never realized how much caregivers do, until I myself became one. I never imagined that I would be a caregiver to my husband at such a young age. If I had only known how much responsibility I would have as an adult, I would have savored my childhood days so much more. Isn't it funny that when we were young we wanted so badly to be all grown up? Now that I am all grown up, I wish I could run away from it all some days.
We are almost 5 years post injury, and I keep thinking it will get easier, but yet I have to admit that for me it seems to be getting more difficult. My days are filled with task after task, and worry after worry. I often wonder if I will be able to sustain this level of care for many years to come. I have pretty much put all of my dreams on the back burner, which totally sucks but has to be reality for now. I think about the kids and how young they are, I pray they don't grow up resenting us for being so different than other families. What are your fears? What is the hardest part about being a caregiver? There are so many days when I have to deal with resentment towards my husband, even though I know logically none of this is his fault, it still strains our marriage.
So how do we keep going when we are the least supported piece of the puzzle? The VA often ignores us, we get shoved to the back of the waiting rooms while everything is focused on the Veteran. Many case manager's put up with us instead of working with us. It seems like at every turn we are faced with opposition instead of support. I won't even get into the caregiver bill because we all know where that is at this point. I find support in my other Wounded Warrior Wife friends, and other caregiver's as well. This network of support here at VCG has been instrumental in my sanity during on many different occasions. In fact, my main support does not come from family, but from those in the same situation. Together we can make a huge difference.
My goal for this blog as far as my contribution goes, will be to share my own struggles and positive progress as well. I also hope to discuss some different "hot topics" that we are often faced with. I hope you all have a great week!
We are almost 5 years post injury, and I keep thinking it will get easier, but yet I have to admit that for me it seems to be getting more difficult. My days are filled with task after task, and worry after worry. I often wonder if I will be able to sustain this level of care for many years to come. I have pretty much put all of my dreams on the back burner, which totally sucks but has to be reality for now. I think about the kids and how young they are, I pray they don't grow up resenting us for being so different than other families. What are your fears? What is the hardest part about being a caregiver? There are so many days when I have to deal with resentment towards my husband, even though I know logically none of this is his fault, it still strains our marriage.
So how do we keep going when we are the least supported piece of the puzzle? The VA often ignores us, we get shoved to the back of the waiting rooms while everything is focused on the Veteran. Many case manager's put up with us instead of working with us. It seems like at every turn we are faced with opposition instead of support. I won't even get into the caregiver bill because we all know where that is at this point. I find support in my other Wounded Warrior Wife friends, and other caregiver's as well. This network of support here at VCG has been instrumental in my sanity during on many different occasions. In fact, my main support does not come from family, but from those in the same situation. Together we can make a huge difference.
My goal for this blog as far as my contribution goes, will be to share my own struggles and positive progress as well. I also hope to discuss some different "hot topics" that we are often faced with. I hope you all have a great week!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Spree-killing or desperation?
I have thought a lot about my topic for this Blog as I do not like to be a scare monger. However, I decided to write this in the hope that we can avert another tragedy.
The recent shooting in Tucson left all of us dismayed but probably not actually very surprised. Sadly this kind of shooting is becoming more and more common. We have seen Columbine, (12 dead), Virginia Tech, (32 dead), Atlanta (12 dead) Washington DC, (10 dead), Nebraska, (9 dead), California, (9 dead), Alabama, (10 dead), just to mention a few, and we all remember the horrible shooting at Ft Hood, which left 13 people dead.
I am afraid. I am afraid for our Veterans and I am afraid for the future. I see so much neglect by the VA. I see so much need for mental health support. I see the need for much more education for caregivers on suicide and the possibility of enough mental instability to be cause for alarm. I see that at some time, at some place, some Veteran will have endured enough pain, intolerance, slights, ignorance, rudeness and disregard for their suffering, that they may take their weapon into a VA facility and deal with what they see as “The Problem”. When that happens, and I do think it is a question of not if, but when, then I believe the VA will be squarely to blame.
Dealing with the VA on a continuing basis and suffering the rudeness, being shuffled from place to place either on the phone or in person, the indifference and outright stupidity, makes all of us way angrier than we need to be. Pile that on top of a Veteran who has no caregiver, no advocate and little to no support and the stage is set for a major problem.
When I go to any VA facility (or any other large Government building) I am now taking stock of people and things around me. I am actively looking for exits. I am observing people very closely where before I concentrated on getting to where ever I was headed. If I see anything which gives me cause for concern, I try and alert someone and I remove myself from the situation. This is a sad commentary on our country. I do not like living this way, but perhaps if we are all more perceptive and aware, then people like the Tucson shooter would get some help before the unthinkable happens.
The recent shooting in Tucson left all of us dismayed but probably not actually very surprised. Sadly this kind of shooting is becoming more and more common. We have seen Columbine, (12 dead), Virginia Tech, (32 dead), Atlanta (12 dead) Washington DC, (10 dead), Nebraska, (9 dead), California, (9 dead), Alabama, (10 dead), just to mention a few, and we all remember the horrible shooting at Ft Hood, which left 13 people dead.
I am afraid. I am afraid for our Veterans and I am afraid for the future. I see so much neglect by the VA. I see so much need for mental health support. I see the need for much more education for caregivers on suicide and the possibility of enough mental instability to be cause for alarm. I see that at some time, at some place, some Veteran will have endured enough pain, intolerance, slights, ignorance, rudeness and disregard for their suffering, that they may take their weapon into a VA facility and deal with what they see as “The Problem”. When that happens, and I do think it is a question of not if, but when, then I believe the VA will be squarely to blame.
Dealing with the VA on a continuing basis and suffering the rudeness, being shuffled from place to place either on the phone or in person, the indifference and outright stupidity, makes all of us way angrier than we need to be. Pile that on top of a Veteran who has no caregiver, no advocate and little to no support and the stage is set for a major problem.
When I go to any VA facility (or any other large Government building) I am now taking stock of people and things around me. I am actively looking for exits. I am observing people very closely where before I concentrated on getting to where ever I was headed. If I see anything which gives me cause for concern, I try and alert someone and I remove myself from the situation. This is a sad commentary on our country. I do not like living this way, but perhaps if we are all more perceptive and aware, then people like the Tucson shooter would get some help before the unthinkable happens.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
1st topic for discussion
So here we go. The first topic I want to work on is how do we take time for ourselves. be honest and realistic. I mean let's face it. What was once a part of my daily process of getting ready for the day is now my me time. Just that little bit of time taking a bath or a shower has become my haven. No phone calls... no mail and for the briefest of moments or a good 20 minutes if I'm really lucky is the me time I get. But I try and make the most of it. Clear the mind... relax the body... take deep breaths... this is the main thing I do to relax it's free and available without leaving the house. I don't always get daily me time which is sad, but a reality. Email me what you do I look forward to hearing your thoughts. You can email me at vetspouse3@gmail.com or post it in the comments. Lets share what we REALLY do for ourselves!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
My Mission
OK so here is my first post and I have to say after reading the blog on the Caregiver pamphlet and laughing my rear off although it's actually very sad not really funny at all how far from reality they are about our needs and issues. So while sleeping for my nightly 4 hours I had a dream/epiphany. Here is my mission! I want to gather tips, ideas, suggestions whatever input you would like to send. I want to put together a book. Care giving 101 News you can use from those in your shoes! (TM) We all live this everyday. There is no vacation! There is no break! There is little help! Let's do what we can with what we know. Follow me and let's make a difference. We all accomplish more by 8 am than most people do all day! Hm... sounds like a recruiting ad kinda funny ref. if I do say so myself. We learn the in and outs and who not to call through trial and error we are the shared back bone of our Vets. The only way to make a change is to be that change! I sound like a commercial or something. Well that's what little sleep does for you. I am so excited about the project I really feel like it just might make a difference. Who knows it can't be any worse that the Caregiver brochure. I think we should put that on Comedy central. Well that's it for right now. Stayed tuned .....
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