A caregiver
wrote VeteranCaregiver recently saying, "I used to be a marketing executive before
becoming a full-time caregiver. But I've
lost my identity and don't feel accomplished or even know myself anymore?"
Such a
good question; our self-identities can be swallowed whole by caregiving. It can happen gradually over time, but you are
not alone. It's very easy to get lost in
the daily grind, completing tasks, becoming more and more tired, and tending to
everyone’s needs except your own. You
are last on the list.
Truthful
statement: only you can carve out time
for you. If you have become accustomed
to putting aside everything that once gave you joy, does that help your
situation at home? Does it help you feel
good, or like a martyr. A therapist once
said this: “You need to choose, are you
a martyr or a victim?” Neither of those
labels felt good, and were rejected. How
dare she say that?!
But, if we
make the conscious choice to set our
boundaries, set aside a small portion of the day, and refuse to relinquish
ourselves to others’ needs entirely, we will be better caregivers and individuals. You haven’t lost your gifts and talents, and
those unique traits are inside you – you just need to take the tarp off and
give yourself permission to claim them.
There will always be those who complain, and complaining is fine if it leads to possible solutions, but of little value if not. No judgment here, but only you can help you begin your personal growth or to beef it up. Best of
all, you have now learned new skills, some of which you may take for granted. Did you ever think you’d be able to direct
the medical care of a loved one, or wade through bureaucracy with determination
and purpose? These new skills have made
you a stronger, more accomplished version of yourself if you’ll stop to
recognize it!
Take the
time to write down your skills; what are you good at, what are your new
talents, even write a resume. Add notes
on your smartphone, and read them to yourself or post it on your mirror to
remind you that you are worthy, smart, savvy, and you matter. Create a LinkedIn profile because in doing so, you’ll
realize your skills are valuable, and you'll have an identity outside of your
daily role. Then Follow other people of interest and start learning anew. This
is Post Traumatic Growth. Many
caregivers find new skills and experiences give them new capabilities, and IF they consider them, new self-confidence. You are "more" than your daily caregiving!
With
introspection, time spent thinking about you - yes, you - you will see ways to
reinvent yourself, recall your strengths, and take back you. You are worth it - take the time to believe
it!
Linda Kreter & the
VeteranCaregiver Team
Linda Kreter & the
VeteranCaregiver Team
