Regressing ... a Tempting Thought Some Days!

Have you ever thought to yourself, "I sometimes wish I wasn’t an adult!”  Isn’t it true at least sometimes?

When we think of children, we often say (wistfully) that children view the world with eyes of wonder.  Many times I have wished I could suddenly morph into a 4-year old that covers their eyes to become “unseen”.  If only hiding or withdrawing temporarily were that simple!   Don't you often wish you could believe as they do:  If I can't see you, then you can't see me?

As a caregiver, how do you insert Wonder into your life and view things as you did before you became older, more challenged, tired, and ... a grownup?

 

Gratitude is a good start.  Make it a priority to take a fresh look at your life, starting today.  Why would you wait?  As you walk through the day, consider a change in perspective.  Can you make light of any of the tasks you do? Will you allow yourself time to laugh when the dog tilts his head with what seems to be a look of total empathy?  Certain days, the dog may absolutely be your best  and only friend!  Go ahead and talk to yourself, having a unique dialogue that makes you ruefully laugh at how crazy the day really and truly is!

Days can be bleak and lonely, no question, but can you try to view other days with the eyes of a child who finds the sunshine throwing shadows through the window blinds special?  Listening to the crunch of the autumn leaves on the edge of the driveway? Savoring the taste of a s'more?  It's often the little things that make life brighter and lighter, but as adults, we may have to look harder for them.  

Purposefully.  Intentionally.  Mindfully.

It’s worth the time and if practiced daily, can become your default life-stance. The word "Wonderful" means literally, "full of wonder".  Looking for the moments of Wonder in your day can be a personal therapy and compassion toward yourself. 

Caregivers are notoriously hard on themselves, but you can gently work more often to alter your mind shift, tracking the Wonder moments in your day.  See if it doesn’t slowly but surely change the way you treat yourself.  Bonus:  It can also change those around you, as Wonder brings back the naiveté we all once had in abundance.  Try going for the enlightened, lightened regression – and may it bring you joyful, wonder-filled moments!

Linda Kreter & the
VeteranCaregiver Team

Positive Attitude Contagion & Your Support Group

Each day we have a choice to make about our attitude. 

If you become mindful about the fact that only today matters, and that you cannot change the past, nor (usually) predict the future, your perspective can be changed for the better. 

This prayer/musing made me laugh because sometimes it reflects what we all feel:

Dear Lord/Higher Power/Other,

So far today, I am doing all right.  I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent.  I have not whined, cursed, or eaten any chocolate.  However, I will get out of bed in a few minutes, and I will need a lot more help after that.  Amen*

This practice of adjusting your attitude many times daily is difficult, but it’s nearly always possible to find something good, even on the worst of days.  Being around those who are negative, usually have something critical to say about you or your situation, or who just plain drain you is exhausting.  Saying to yourself these people are “just negative” or trying to avoid them altogether is nearly impossible.  So, what can you do?

The great football coach, John Wooden says this:  “Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out”. 

 Isn’t that the truth?  Interestingly, if you don’t buy into the Negative Ones and their critical, harping, unpleasant responses, they eventually want to be around someone who will react to them and feed the negative. Work to find a handful of trusted friends who are positive, and can be called upon when you need a boost.  Do the same for them. You’ll find that the more positive your attitude and behavior is, the more you attract others with the same perspective.  Like attracts like, and allows you to weather the tough days, and being around the negative ones when you can’t avoid it.

We all have tough, seriously-I-can’t-take-one-more-thing days, but when we stop for a second, take a deep breath, and briefly wait instead of reacting with a knee-jerk response that you’ll regret the rest of the day, this habit you’ve been practicing can come to you more often.  And, more easily.

There will always be jerks in life, but don’t buy into their “jerkdom”.  Remember too that positive people evolve into groups – and find an ally, a friend, a kindred spirit to start your own group, and to keep helping you adjust your attitudes about the day.  Take each day at a time, look inward and adjust your attitude as the day progresses.  Finally, reflect on your day each night and see the growth, the slipups, and especially note what you’re thankful for, even if it’s the fact you got a shower today!  

We continue to believe in the best within you; best wishes on lifting today to be the best it can be!

Linda Kreter & the

VeteranCaregiver Team

*Prayer from Today Matters by John C. Maxwell

The Little Things Matter

You don’t ask for much for yourself, and you do so much for everyone else.  

Sometimes it’s the little things that matter when you’re a Caregiver. 

It’s the person in the grocery store line that urges you to go first because you have your hands full with a small child or two and a visibly uncomfortable veteran spouse.

It’s when someone you know writes you an “I’m thinking about you, how are you?” email, card, or posting.

It’s when a small child pats your daughter’s artificial leg and asks if she can still play soccer?

It’s a hug from a friend when no words need to be spoken, and you really needed that hug.

 

It’s when you’re in a crowd, things start feeling dicey for your family, and without a blink, a kind stranger guides you out to an open space.

It’s a callback, a referral, a resolution to a long-standing challenge, or an appointment that fits your schedule without juggling.

It’s when your son shows a glimmer of his old self; a remembered quirk, a breakthrough comment.

It’s a jug of wildflowers left outside your door with a note saying, “Sorry I missed you”.

It’s when someone offers you a flexible job because you clearly have it together and they love your work/life ethics.

It’s when you sit down and weep for what you’ve lost, and at the same time, you realize that you’re wiser/stronger/better than you were before.

It’s when your pet curls up beside you, simply because they sense that you need it.

And, when those small things occur, and you’ve noticed them?  You have become someone extra-extraordinary with a grateful heart.

Blessings and care,

Linda Kreter and the VeteranCaregiver Team

Blessings and Gratitude on Veterans Day 2012

Greetings on this Veterans Day 2012,

Our heartfelt thanks to our Veterans today  -- and their entire extended group of family and friends.  We trust that you know that we treat each and every day as Veterans Day, but on this one day set aside each year, we give you special thanks.

We also specifically give thanks to the Caregivers of our wounded, ill, and injured veterans.  We thank the children who grow up very quickly and often also bear the invisible wounds of war with their parents.  We thank parents who care for their adult children and for siblings, extended family and friends who do the same.  The challenges you meet and the way you keep your faces turned to the light mean so much to this land.

Every day the flag flies over the land of the free, it is because of the actions and valor of the brave.  We love our country, and we honor you today with an extra measure of love and care.

God bless you,

Linda and the Veterancaregiver Team