Caregiver Friendships - Evolving or Disappearing?

Simple fact:  caregiving is not an easy task.  It changes you and your previous life.

Many friends may love you, but they may be afraid of being put in the same role, so they now dodge you.  Their avoidance may be amplified because they find great difficulty in accepting what has happened to you and your family.  In others, the illness or injury may be painful to see. Not everyone has the same emotional maturity.

The best may also be brought out when you need it the most.  The friends who call, provide help unasked, and just listen when you need it are priceless.  When friends find the changes in you and your family member too hard to accept, those friends may fade away.  Try hard not to judge them, but instead appreciate those that remain true friends, especially as they support you when you are nearly out of patience and hope.

Support from others that understand your daily life can sustain you. Those friends are to be cherished and it's important to support them in reverse. That's a balanced friendship.  You may also find it wise to renew older friendships with those who are not caregivers, but who know YOU, and will listen, not judging you on hard days.  Judgment can wear down the strongest caregiver.

Be wise in who you surround yourself with, and approach new friendships slowly to discover the trust level possible. We are not suggesting wariness of new people, but we've all had the experience of being used by others and it doesn't feel good.  Betrayals by those we've let become close can cut deeply, and you want to avoid that as much as possible.

Assess yourself when you're with someone. Do you feel an energy or psychological boost when together or after a visit?  Do you feel uplifted or calmer?  Those are good friends!  Add people to your life that inflate you and who give you oomph and confidence. Minimize contact with those that diminish you. Reduce the drama; it's usually not worth it.  

There will always be both kinds of friends in the world, and seek support from good friends as they will grow with you.

Linda Kreter & the

VeteranCaregiver Team 

Simple Pleasures

Greetings!

If you woke up today mentally listing all the things you needed to do, to be, and to complete, you are not alone.  It seems that many if not most people are straining to shoehorn “one more thing” into an already hectic schedule.  Years ago when multi-tasking was a key phrase, it seemed that instead of achieving more, it meant each task was done less well than if a focus was given to singular tasks. Not quite the outcome you were trying to achieve!

Today can be more pleasurable if you accept small glimpses of joy or recognize the small gifts along the way.  A fresh view can make an enormous difference in your perspective, and we can all use the peace in small moments.

What are your simple pleasures?  If you’re fortunate, today can provide a simple pleasure for each of your five senses. Open your mind and consider these examples:

Sight: blooming trees, tulips, bird nests, crazy squirrels, flags whipping in the breeze, smiles given and received, someone who lets you into the merging lane first, the gorgeous view you drive by seen with different eyes, a shared grin.

Hearing: chortling song of birds and scurry through the underbrush, sound of children playing, the laugh of a loved one, a compliment given or received, the gift of music, silence, or city bustle, or crashing waves or a meandering creek.

Smell:  clean, line-dried laundry, a great meal cookie, or the waft of the scent of coffee, chocolate, bacon, hyacinths, the sea, perfume that evokes a fond memory, baby shampoo, Grandad’s pipe, or an outdoor fire pit.

Taste:  your favorite cookie, ice cream, fruit, childhood Rice Krispies treats, s’mores, tall glass of sweet tea, the tart of a lemon twist, the zing of sea salt in caramel, comfort food, burgers on the grill, popcorn, barbeque, savory and sweet.

Touch:  fresh sheets, cozy towels, your favorite T-shirt, the softness of a sweater, the swish of fringe, the coat of your pet, the walking-by-touch that shows you care, a warm hug, and the feel of your child trustingly taking your hand. 

Trust that each day will provide gifts of simple pleasure, if you take the time to notice.  Today is a gift; enjoy it!

Linda Kreter & the VeteranCaregiver Team

Peer Networks & Suicide Prevention

Greetings, friends,
          Yesterday I had the opportunity to talk to an influential group about the value of peer networks for suicide prevention.  It's readily apparent that the integrity of any support program is demonstrated with building trust in every interaction. It was a relief to share your thoughts (provided to me over time) and perceptions of the official tools and processes in place.  My hope is that there was greater understanding following the meeting.
         It's sometimes possible to feel alienated from leadership because of well-meaning gatekeepers.  Provided the opportunity to share directly with leadership was refreshing -- and daunting.  We are not clinicians, but we DO care and support.  And, you've proven time and time again, that helping others helps you.  I know it does for me. We now have more tools in place, and also an agreement with the Veterans Crisis Line to provide a "warm transfer" should you wish help in placing that call on your own. We're with you!
        Regarding my blog post of last week about a caregiver outreach piece, the piece has been delayed and I will have it for you next week.  Once I receive a copy, you will have it first thereafter!
       Make it a good week, and When In Doubt, Reach Out!


Linda