Seeking Help - Part 1 Reprise

Greetings, friends,

For many of you, the following information will be basic and instinctive to you. We originally posted this in December, and scores of calls and emails are asking the same questions about how to navigate the medical or legislative system, and we thought the following guidance might be helpful.

What do I do when I need caregiver help?

If you are already in the National Caregiver Program, contact your Caregiver Support Coordinator (CSC) at your local VA medical center.  If s/he is not in, ask for the alternate, and leave a voicemail.  It’s a good idea to also follow-up with an email, and their email can usually be found through an Internet search.  You can ask for the email address, and if it’s not forthcoming, ask who else can help you.

If you’re not in the Caregiver Program, you can still use the Caregiver Support Line and request help and guidance.  If your issue is outside the responsibilities of the CSC, then ask who you should be directed to for problem resolution.  It will likely be someone else in the Social Work Office. 

What do I do when I need help with my Veteran’s medical care?

If you have already spoken with your primary care physician, or in the case of mental health, the psychologist, we suggest contacting various VA advocates.  If your veteran is an OIF/OEF/OND veteran, there is a specific OIF/OEF Coordinator, whose name may be found with an Internet search, a VA website search, or by calling your local VA medical center.  They are often able to cut through issues very simply for you.

If the issue relates to a disagreement over care or other conflict, you would contact the VA Patient Advocate at your local VA.  This person may be found on the VA website, through an Internet search or by calling.  If there is a formal report or complaint to make, ask for the proper forms and be sure to follow all the steps directed so that you will find resolution.  You may need to be quite persistent, and you will need to judge the seriousness of your issue.

What do I do if I need help understanding VA process (paperwork, fee base, etc.)?

The Internet is an excellent source of information, but it may be a huge undertaking to find out the nugget of information needed.  Obtain one of the VA Handbooks on Benefits (you can download it or obtain a hard copy at your local VA) to find out who to talk with for specific needs.  

Why use a VSO?

We also highly recommend contacting one of the chartered Veterans Service Organizations (VSO’s) such as AmVets, Vietnam Vets of America, DAV, the Legion and others.  You can find a list on the va.gov website.  It is highly recommended that you use an organization to help you since VA benefits and processes change with the legislation and it can be a daunting task keeping up with the changes.

The importance of peers is...

Ask your fellow caregivers.  Your peers often have great experiences to share, so post here, write to your friends, and seek out others locally who can provide you practical information.  Seek out others while at the VA and absorb all you can; what you learn will either help you, or others in the future.

This is a starting point...

Linda Kreter & the VeteranCaregiver Team

Wishing a Safe & Thoughtful Fourth

Dear Caregivers, Veterans, Service members and all your families,

We thank you, our service and veteran families this week for permitting this nation to openly celebrate Independence Day on the 4^th of July.  We truly are the Land of the Free because of the brave.  We are grateful for your service and the sacrifices your families make each day.

We are also conscious that any holiday with explosions may be more difficult for the Caregiver, Veteran, and family.  Former traditions may be out of the question for you.  If you can, forge a new tradition this year.  It’s okay to watch a movie instead of going to the local fireworks.  Perhaps the town parade, watched from the sidelines is a better choice than the crowded park, in the dark with explosions and possible perceived threats.  We are very aware that this week may be a challenging one for you, Caregivers.

And, if your family is just fine and can enjoy the day smoothly, we share your joy at that capability.  No matter which side of the Fourth of July observations you fall on, we again say THANK YOU for the service given, the caregiving provided now, and your combined continued efforts for the future.  We support and applaud YOU, the Caregivers, without whom countless service members and veterans would live lesser lives.

Wishing you a safe and thoughtful Fourth of July!

Linda Kreter & the VeteranCaregiver Team

PS: The Pride of Baltimore Tall Ship with flag unfurled shown above

Heart Cracks ...

Today it's about perspective.  It’s not the heart-wrenching stories that drain us the most. It's the overall indifference.

There are hundreds of very tough stories, with just a few here: 

• -       A father of three dying of early onset dementia brain lesions after an FOB is set up directly over a 500 gallon fuel spill in the desert
• -       A daughter who will forever re-live the systematic rapes and abuse for three years by her CO
• -       A son who drove his car into a tree at over 120 mph to die, but gratefully who lived and continues to fight his PTSD
• -       A family that lives on edge awaiting the rages/destruction/fierce silence of PTSD in a husband and Dad who won’t seek help, but whom they still love

What hurts us (and our nation) the most is the numbness of bureaucratic indifference.  In just the last three days, we guided four caregivers to official contacts to improve their specific long-term situations (overdue expense reimbursement, foreclosure/eviction, cancelled utilities, change of physician).  We made 17 calls of our own to try to break through the logjam.  

Not a single time was a solution provided.  Of the two people who answered their phones, they sympathized, but were also unable to help.  We were cordial, asked for further guidance, thanked them, and yet, it is the ones that will not answer or respond to calls and email who could ultimately help.  At least that is what we hope, for there is always a solution when people want to help.

We who support our veterans and their families do not have compassion fatigue.

We have Bureaucracy Fatigue.  Lord, please help us to continue to press forward despite the weariness, indifference, and malaise. These caregivers, families, and veterans matter!

Amen,

Linda Kreter & the VeteranCaregiver Team   

Gnarly Roots Are the Most Interesting

Greetings,

Do you have a fondness for driftwood like I do?  I’ve been known to drag an interesting piece for miles and then let it dry out for three months if it was sufficiently unique!

Fascinating driftwood is often the tumbled root section of a tree.  I spent time this weekend thinking about roots.  Roots of our families.  Roots of our friendships.  Roots from our past that make us who we are today. 

Our roots begin within our families, and if we’re blessed, any dysfunction is manageable and safe.  Roots continue to grow and spread as we learn and grow older, putting out tender shoots that grow stronger as we discern our path.  Through experience and hard-earned wisdom, we learn how to prune the roots that are unhealthy, and how to nurture the ones we want to be stronger.  But sometimes, even with help, we cannot self-prune or self-nurture our roots and we must learn to live with dysfunction in our lives. 

Have you ever seen the root of a great tree that at one time ran into an obstacle and was forced to change direction to stay alive?  It’s not predictable or “regular”.  That tree, like you, is determined to keep growing.  The root of a tree that has circumvented an obstacle and kept on growing, lifting branches to the sky is often the most remarkable.  For example, consider the roots that grew around an underground pipe, pressed up through the concrete, or burrow out of the side of a mountain.  They kept growing.  I contend that some of the most interesting driftwood pieces are those that have a challenged root system.

Consider yourself in a new light.  Boring, nondescript, ordinary?  Absolutely not!  Think of a stunning piece of driftwood art in the garden, a driftwood piece like you – unwavering, a bit gnarly but tenacious, with some knotholes and scars, and learn to ADMIRE that driftwood all the more for the progress it made along the way.

May God bless the gnarly roots in your life for the visualization of challenges met – and grown beyond!

Linda Kreter and the VeteranCaregiver Team

Suicide Prevention: Part 2

Greetings,

Today brings a sequel to our prior story about "Jim", the veteran who spiraled downward after the suicide of a close friend.  Jim subsequently survived two more suicide attempts, and his Caregiver wife was working to find a stable solution and postvention care for him (http://veterancaregiver.blogspot.com/2013/02/suicide-attempt-please-seek-follow-up.html).  The story continues this way ...

Jim is still awaiting a PTSD program.  Two additional suicide attempts have been made, prompting 911 calls and hospitalizations.  His wife has endured many personally dangerous situations trying to obtain stable, consistent mental health care for her husband.  Jim's medications have been juggled between three VA's with conflicting opinions and prescription changes.  As we write, the most recent SPC (Suicide Prevention Coordinator), Case Manager, nor primary care Social Worker have returned phone calls or email.  Escalation has gone nowhere.  Caseloads are too high.  It is vacation time.  The voice mailboxes are full.  This is a serious situation.  However, it is not a single story; there are many.   

Together, let's remedy this situation, shall we?  On Tuesday, June 11^th, 11am EDT, please join us for a radio interview on the American Heroes Network (info below).  We will be talking with Edward White, the creator of the CallApp.  CallApp is a suicide prevention smartphone app that permits anyone to build a personal on-call virtual safety/crisis network comprised of friends, family, medical professionals, and community resources.  At the touch of a single button, this technology will permit personalized choices to the person in crisis.  If they need 911, it's there.  Their veteran buddy who calms them; there.  Their mental health counselors; there.  Special wellness programs, calming methods, and a network of caring, responsive people and organizations personally selected would reside on Jim's phone.  This is not a one-size-fits-all solution - but an extraordinary solution that will fit Jim. CallApp is customizable to satisfy the needs of family members, battle buddies, medical/mental health partners, close friends, and others.  These are people Jim trusts and who will answer the phone.  Respond.  It is a lifeline to bridge the gaps in communication support that exist today.

CallApp takes technology and leverages it with people who care about and for Jim. People support and save people.  Join us Tuesday to hear more!

With respect and great care,

Linda Kreter and the VeteranCaregiver Team

American Heroes Radio Network:

(http://hero.ub1.co/page/31) 

Follow-Up is VITAL...

Greetings,

Today's issue:  Follow-up is critical to resolving caregiver and vet/warrior problems.

Yet, it is so very, very difficult to “encourage” follow-up or to escalate the issue(s) because it’s often a case of “Shoot the Messenger”.  Not good. 

There are many unresolved issues we could write about here, but our goal is not to point fingers.  We do, however, want to voice that most problems are best solved while they are small and manageable.  Left hanging, caregivers and vets/warriors become increasingly frustrated, with some descending into depression and high anxiety with no way to receive an answer to a question.  When caregivers direct their questions to a superior, they are often told that they are overstepping, that they should accept that the system is slow, and to “wait their turn”.  Problems grow and ferment. 

 Not good.  There is a better way to manage this for both sides.

We implore the system to consider making customer service a priority – for medical and mental health reasons.  A callback or email is proof that someone cares.  Most of the time, the healthcare provider would not receive 4-6 reminder voicemails if they made a quick return call or email to alert the caller that they are looking into their problem and when to expect a response.    And, if a response time is provided to a caregiver or veteran, they should then refrain from repeat calls and messages and await the response.  Just think, fewer voicemail boxes full and not accepting messages!  Setting expectations is both a courteous and safe alternative to a stressed system.

We all have 24 hours in each day and make choices on how to spend that time.  If overall communication is improved, it would go a long way toward making more of those work hours productive and efficient.  Can we please make a commitment to work on this?

Thanks to countless caregivers and vets for their input and feedback to providing a potential solution to this growing challenge.

Warm regards,

Linda Kreter & the VeteranCaregiver Team

Caregiving Monday Musings

Caregiving is both a loving and a draining experience.

Love can wax and wane and the caregiving experience feels different depending on your phase.

Being thoughtfully pensive is different than being mired in a recurring mental spiral.

Fairness has varying definitions depending on your perspective; learn to raise or lower your expectations depending on your mental outlook of the day. Life is not always fair...

Peers and friends who “get it” are priceless.  It is lonely and isolating to walk this path alone, so please don’t!

As much as possible, give patient, educated responses when coping with the muddle of bureaucracy.  You’ll sleep better when you're less agitated.

Find your “anchor” (a friend, your faith, your journal, your dearest pet…) or a quiet place and give yourself permission to hold still when needed.  Your work will wait.

Finally, know the people that care for YOU in your life and lean on them when necessary. They fervently want to help you.

You matter so much to those that depend on you.  Do you really need to wonder why you’re tired? 

Please be kind to yourself.  You do a huge job, and you’re not going to be perfect, but you are going to do your best.  

You always do.

Caregivers, you are a gift to those you support.

Blessings to you,

Linda Kreter & the VeteranCaregiver Team