Suicide Prevention: Helping Yourself and Others Step Away From the Ledge

Suicide Prevention: Helping Yourself and Others Step Back from the Ledge

Photo courtesy of Pixabay by PublicCo

By Jennifer Scott, www.SpiritFinder.org

Chris Cornell. Robin Williams. Chester Bennington. What do all these names have in common? They all dealt with various addiction and substance abuse struggles. They all struggled with suicidal thoughts. And, ultimately, they all took their own lives.

There’s been a 40% increase in the suicide rate in the last decade. Nearly 80% of those who commit suicide are male. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death, and is expected to overtake cancer deaths within the next 15 years. In fact, one person commits suicide every 15 minutes.

Some argue that suicide has become an epidemic in our society - with someone taking their own life every fifteen minutes. This has led to comparisons between the suicide epidemic and the cancer epidemic, with suicide and depression estimated to overtake cancer as one of the leading causes of death in the next 15 years. Russell Brand has even theorized that cultural changes in the developed world have led to an increase in the number of suicides each year.

It sometimes feels like there’s a new report of someone committing suicide on the news each week. For those who are struggling with depression, substance abuse, or suicidal thoughts, it can feel like the world is bleak and that there is no hope to be found. Nothing could be further from the truth.

There’s an unspeakable amount of grief and disbelief when we lose someone to suicide. Suicidal thoughts can happen to anyone, but that doesn’t mean we’re without hope. Luckily, there are some things you can do to help yourself and/or your loved ones:

Here are some things you can do:

Reduce the Stigma
Talk about mental illness, depression and suicide in the same way that you would talk about diseases like cancer. Spread awareness. Help share resources, crisis hotline numbers and prevention strategies. Avoid criticisms, name-calling, casting blame or showing judgment. You never know what someone else was secretly dealing with. Mental health conditions are every bit as serious as physical conditions like cancer, and should be treated as such.

Emergency Resources
If you or a loved one are dealing with suicidal thoughts, it can be immediately beneficial to talk to someone for help. Not only does this let you know you’re not alone; it can also provide coping mechanisms to help get through your current situation. There are many nonprofits and resources available to assist those in need. Here’s a list of suicide prevention & crisis hotlines available around the world.

Long-term Prevention Strategies
Even if you’re not currently in crisis, it is helpful to have a longer term strategy in case suicidal thoughts ever return. Prioritize your mental health care and make lifestyle changes to assist you in coping with your depression during difficult times. This might include surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people; being aware of the suicide prevention resources listed above; becoming more involved in your local church or faith-based organization; kicking an addiction or substance abuse issue; or even picking up a healthy habit such as yoga or meditation.

Losing even one person to suicide each year is losing too many. Suicides are preventable. Please use and share the crisis resources and suicide prevention strategies listed above. You never know whose life they might save - possibly even your own.

Jennifer Scott

www.SpiritFinder.org

What Non-Caregivers Need to Consider...

Greetings,

Lately we’ve been noting how many times people are surprised at a comment or statistic about Caregivers of veterans.  It made us think that compiling several of them might make more of you aware of what people don’t know, and therefore they cannot offer to help you.  So, in the spirit of hoping others may read this (or you can send it to them), here is a brief and incomplete listing – feel free to add to the list!  This just might make your family holidays a bit easier?

1.      “The VA takes care of all medical care for your veteran and you, what are you complaining about?”  (The VA takes care of the Vet’s care and Caregivers receive CHAMPVA or TRICARE depending on service status, caregiver program, and other factors, but not all care is covered for the caregiver.  It can be very hard to find a doctor who takes CHAMPVA or who understands PTSD, so don’t assume life is “easy”.)

2.      “As a Caregiver, you are paid for your work.”  (Not in every case and not at market pricing for commercial caregivers. It is very challenging to explain to others what a "typical" day looks like, but the pay is not why you do what you do, but it helps meet the bills that stress you.  Ask that person to accompany you on your next set of doctor visits; it may open their eyes and their hearts.)

3.      “Besides, s/he’s your husband/adult child, you should take care of them just because you love them.”  (Judgment by others not familiar with your days of constantly being on edge, dealing with a large bureaucracy, trying to apply logic to an illogical system, scheduling countless appointments, juggling 20 medications carefully, and being bone-tired has nothing to do with paybacks for love.  Visible and invisible injuries take a great deal of patience and work to manage with the care team. It’s hard to keep the train on the tracks.  This is why there is a Caregiver program at VA that covers at least some of your needs because it’s fairly obvious that if you all dropped off your vet at the VA that the system would crumble rapidly.  These may be people you don’t need in your life…)

4.      “You should get a therapist if you are stressed or not sleeping.”  (That might be the case, but being a Caregiver is draining and stressful at times, and only a clinician can advise you.  Having said that, talking with your peers or a professional might lighten your load. We bristle when we hear the words "you should"...)

5.      “Never continue the conversation if the Caregiver is in tears.”  (We disagree.  We think this is a perfect time for active listening and compassion.  If you can’t let down with those you’re close to or who need you, they miss out on an opportunity for support.  Be a safe haven for them.)

6.      “Don’t discuss talk of suicide or suicidal thoughts if the Caregiver brings it up.”  (This is an excellent time to compassionately listen, and to also ask if they need other resources and professionals to discuss this serious topic.  If they are seemingly a danger to themselves or others, call emergency services.  If you are unsure, a call to the VA Lifeline would be appropriate to ask what to do for support.  Sometimes, though, just providing a shoulder and a kind ear calms the anxious moment and the almost-crisis moment passes.  However, when in doubt, always reach out for help!)

7.      “PTSD and TBI are excuses for acting like a jerk!”  (Perhaps, but unless you’re a physician and know the background and medical record of the veteran, the symptoms of either PTSD or TBI may not be managed well, or needs may have changed.  Educate yourself on both, and know what to look for when medications are changed or someone is in denial over needing help.  Great resources exist on both conditions, and alternative therapies may work when traditional first-line therapies aren’t working.  No two vets are alike.  No two Caregivers are either.)

8.      “You’re not the one with PTSD – s/he is!”  (Potentially false.  Secondary PTSD or Generational PTSD are the terms used for the cumulative effect of being around those with PTSD and having to alter your normal way of living to accommodate the veteran with PTSD.  Insomnia, hyper-vigilance, walking on eggshells, avoiding surprising someone, isolation, and altered communication may indicate that the Caregiver needs supportive clinical care also.  Again, it helps to educate yourself and your family so they don’t inadvertently trigger a situation unwittingly.)

9.      “S/he’s been back for two years, what’s the problem?”  (War is hell.  People come back from war changed, and they change those around them.  Physical loss doesn’t get easier and invisible injuries are still misunderstood.  There are Vietnam vets who have suppressed their emotions and experiences for 40 years and they suffer still.  There is not a timeframe for “getting better”.  Please do not judge Caregivers or veterans on their issues; judgment is not yours to make.  Offer resources, a gentle ear, and recognize that everyone heals at their own pace and with appropriate care.)

10.   “You need to make time for yourself – you’re running yourself ragged!”   (We think that each and every Caregiver has probably heard this at one time or another.  And, if you have run yourself ragged by always putting others first, then please, ask for and access respite care, a half-day off, or even begin seizing 15-minute intervals to breathe.  Consider that if you fall down, the entire family structure will wobble.  Don’t underestimate your critical role; you are the heartbeat of the family and you matter, so taking care of yourself is critical.  To family members, please keep offering help proactively so that the Caregiver knows you really mean it.  Caregivers are an independent, resourceful group, so coax them to lean on you and be there when they do.)

There are many more, but this posting is long enough.  We wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, and may you have a calm and peaceful holiday.

Linda Kreter & the VeteranCaregiver Team

Moral Injury & PTSD - One Story

Greetings,

We will be talking Tuesday with two cutting edge researchers on the American Heroes Network about Moral Injury:  PTSD and Suicide in the U.S. Military. This term is not often heard, but the stark truth written below may help with greater understanding of our troops' sacrifices and invisible injuries that linger after they return home.  This story was written in 2005 and rings true today (link: http://www.commondreams.org/headlines05/0615-08.htm.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

IT WAS STILL DARK...

--by Sgt Zachary Scott-Singley

 

It was still dark. I got dressed in that darkness. When I was ready I grabbed an MRE (meal ready to eat) and got in the truck. I was going to go line the truck up in preparation for the raid we were about to go on. The targets were three houses where RPG attacks had come from a few days prior. Sitting there in that darkness listening to the briefing on how we were to execute the mission, I let my mind wander from the briefing and said a prayer. "Just one more day God, let me live one more day and we will go from there..." It was the same prayer I said every day because every day I did the same thing. I left the base. With a small team I would go out each day on different missions. I was their translator.

There were different people to meet each day. There were some who would kill you if they could. They would look at you and you could see the hate in their eyes. I also met with people who would have given me everything they owned. People, that were so thankful to us because we had rid them of Saddam. Well, this day was not really much different from all those other days so far. After the briefing we all got into our assigned seats and convoyed out to the raid site. I was to go in directly after the military police that would clear the building.

The raid began without a hitch. Inside one of the courtyards of one of the houses, talking to an Iraqi woman checking to see if her story correlated with what the detained men had said, I heard gunfire. It was automatic gunfire. Ducking next to the stone wall I yelled at the woman to get inside her house, and when the gunfire stopped I peeked my head around the front gate. I saw a soldier amongst the others who was pulling rear security by our vehicles. This soldier I saw was still aiming his M249 (a fully automatic belt fed machine gun) at a black truck off in the distance. His was the weapon I had heard.

I ran up near his position and overheard the Captain in charge of the raid asking what had happened and why had this soldier opened fire. The soldier kept his weapon aimed and answered that he was sure he had seen a man holding an AK-47 in the back of the black truck. I was amongst the four (along with the soldier who had fired on the black truck) who had been selected to go and see what was up with that truck.

We were out of breath when we got to the gun-truck nearest to the black civilian truck (a gun-truck is a HUMMWV or sometimes called a Hummer by civilians, with a .50 caliber machine gun on its roof). There was a group of four Iraqis walking towards us from the black truck. They were carrying a body. When I saw this I ran forward and began to speak (in Arabic) to the man holding the body but I couldn't say a word.

There right in front of me in the arms of one of the men I saw a small boy (no more than 3 years old). His head was cocked back at the wrong angle and there was blood. So much blood. How could all that blood be from that small boy? I heard crying too. All of the Iraqi men standing there were crying and sobbing and asking me WHY? Someone behind me started screaming for a medic, it was the young soldier (around my age) who had fired his weapon. He screamed and screamed for a medic until his voice was hoarse and a medic came just to tell us what I already knew. The boy was dead. I was so numb.

I stood there looking at that little child, someone's child (just like mine) and seeing how red the clean white shirt of the man holding the boy was turning. It was then that I realized that I had been speaking to them; speaking in a voice that sounded so very far away. I heard my voice telling them (in Arabic) how sorry we were. My mouth was saying this but all my mind could focus on was the hole in the child's head. The white shirt covered in bright red blood. Every color was so bright. There were other colors too. The glistening white pieces of the child's skull still splattered on that so very white shirt. I couldn't stop looking at them even as I continued telling them how sorry we were.

I can still see it all to this very day. The raid was over there were no weapons to be found and we had accomplished nothing except killing a child of some unknowing mother. Not wanting to leave yet, I stayed as long as I could, talking to the man holding the child. I couldn't leave because I needed to know who they were. I wanted to remember. The man was the brother of the child's father. He was the boy's uncle, and he was watching him for his father who had gone to the market. They were carpenters and the soldier who had fired upon the truck had seen someone holding a piece of wood and standing in the truck bed.

Before I left to go back to our base I saw the young soldier who had killed the boy. His eyes were unfocused and he was just standing there, staring off into the distance. My hand went to my canteen and I took a drink of water. That soldier looked so lost, so I offered him a drink from my canteen. In a hoarse voice he quietly thanked me and then gave me such a thankful look; like I had given him gold.

Later that day those of us who had been selected to go inspect the black truck were filling reports out about what we had witnessed for the investigation. The Captain who had led the raid entered the room we were in and you could see that he was angry. He said, "Well this is just great! Now we have to go and give that family bags of money to shut them up..." I wanted to kill him. I sat there trembling with my rage. Some family had just lost their beautiful baby boy and this man, this COMMISSIONED OFFICER in the United States Army is worried about trying to pay off the family's grief and sorrow. He must not have been a father, otherwise he would know that money doesn't even come close... I wanted to use my bare hands to kill him, but instead I just sat there and waited until the investigating officer called me into his office.

To this day I still think about that raid, that family, that boy. I wonder if they are making attacks on us now. I would be. If someone took the life of my son or my daughter nothing other than my own death would stop me from killing that person. I still cry too. I cry when the memory hits me. I cry when I think of how very far away I am from my family who needs me. I am not there just like the boy's father wasn't there. I pray every day for my family's safety and just that I was with them. I have served my time, I have my nightmares, I have enough blood on my hands. My contract with the Army has been involuntarily extended. I am not asking for medicine to help with the nightmares or for anything else, only that the Army would have held true to the contract I signed and let me be a father, a husband, a daddy again. 

Good Ripples

When I was very small I remember a neighbor coming to our house one day. Her name was Miss Thomas. I don't think my mother knew her well but she had a book for me. It was called The Mystery of Hallowdene Farm.  I think it must have been hers when she was a child because it was printed about 1920.It was just a gentle story for girls and I still have the book among my others.  Every time I look at that worn book I remember Miss Thomas and her one visit to our house.
My point here? It makes me remember how small things can affect others long after they might otherwise be forgotten and it is the small things that make up our day-today existence.

I see my life-actions as a series of ripples, like a stone thrown into a pool. The ripples move out, sometimes they mesh with other ripples and change direction. Sometimes they travel a long distance. We may never know what effect our ripples have. If we send out ripples of caring, love, compassion and understanding, these good ripples may have an effect that we are unaware of, or may never know about. That does not matter. When I smile at a stranger, allow someone ahead of me in the grocery line, say a cheerful word to a grocery store clerk or in other ways bring love and light to the people around me, I am sending out good ripples.
I wonder if a good ripple would have made any difference in the life of the persons who have wielded guns in this past week and taken so many lives.  We are unable to know, but this does not stop me trying to send out all the good ripples I can. I don't know if it would stop a person with murder in his heart. I don’t know if it would help a suicidal person stop and think before committing the act. I do know that I have to try.
The events of this past week are going to with us for a very long time. I cannot think there can be many people in the US who are not appalled by these recent shootings.  It does make me reflect  on the fact that we tend to ignore the small things in our lives.  Just think how good life could be if we all made an effort to send out those good ripples. Best of all it does not cost a thing.
Wishing you all a Blessed Holiday Season.

Traumatic Brain Injury Updates

Greetings all,

Despite the enormous effort to provide articles, webinars, PSA’s, and more on the Invisible Injuries of PTSD and TBI, it seems that there are still too many families (and medical staff) that feel many of the symptoms are “in your head”.  There are two very good TBI blog posts by the Defense Centers of Excellence for Traumatic Brain Injury that may resonate with you and your warrior or veteran. 

The first addresses Neuroendocrine Dysfunction in TBI (http://www.dcoe.health.mil/blog/article.aspx?id=1&postid=402) and the second, older one discusses what the families may experience and how to best identify the problem and support your warrior (http://www.dcoe.health.mil/blog/article.aspx?id=1&postid=359).

Undiagnosed TBI can lead to devastating outcomes for relationships. Many families talk about the “lack of verbal filters”, the short-term memory loss, mood swings, paranoia, and the agitation that TBI may present.  And, if you or your veteran is unfortunate enough to not receive care for your TBI because the doctors say “you look fine; just adapt”, you may need to  persist and document the symptoms to obtain care.  Be alert to support those fighting to make sense of their lives when they suddenly can’t keep it together, but don’t understand what their list of symptoms may mean. 

The military is taking notice and working diligently to identify and treat TBI beginning in-country. A new blast exposure technical tool is in use for measuring blast exposure and potential injuries.  Protocols exist for first, second, and subsequent concussive events.  But, the families must be aware to bring specific behaviors to the attention of the warrior or veteran, as symptoms can manifest long after the last event. 

Consider the increased suicide risk without diagnosis and treatment of even mild TBI in this third article:  (http://www.traumaticbraininjury.net/diagnosis-of-traumatic-brain-injury-key-to-preventing-military-suicide/).  Traumatic Brain Injury is serious, but there are options.  Continually learn about new research and treatments alternatives -- and do not give up the quest for diagnosis and management.

With respect and care,

Linda Kreter and the VeteranCaregiver Team 

Suicide Straight Talk: Transforming Taboo to Hope

Greetings, friends,

Last night, I was sent this blog posting by a veteran and asked to post it if I felt it was worthwhile.  I thought it was striking and very relevant.  Please let us know your thoughts on this difficult topic here or on Veterancaregiver. Here it is:

I recently had a discussion with a person who is advocating for veterans with PTSD that went down the road of talking about suicide.  For me, having been through my own issues with not wanting to live, having been first and second hand witness to others taking their lives, the topic doesn't scare me.  As I relayed my thoughts about suicide and other subjects of significantly less importance I realized the person had fled somewhere inside their mind.  Then the walls went up and the discussion was over.  It was like I was a very scary person for being so plain and being so up front about this topic.  I was surprised and mystified.  

I have been involved in spiritual groups from many traditions, psych groups of all kinds and though we'll talk all about disease and people killing each other and even advocate, some from a very clearly spiritual place, that it's quite all right to kill people who may or may not be a threat to the proverbial us/U.S., it would seem the subject of suicide is still taboo.  

*

I told another person I consider to be a friend that I think this is wrong and backward.  If the collective we aren't supposed to talk about it how are we to heal it?  Suicidality shows as a symptom in a larger cluster of symptoms for many mental illnesses and also for illnesses deemed terminal.  Here's the problem.  We'll go to extremes in health care to manage symptoms that cause discomfort but the ONE symptom that will cause death we treat in a completely different manner.  We're told NOT to talk about it.  We're told to let someone else at a call center who has never met our loved one talk to them.  Basically, we're told to be quiet, let the professionals handle it and tell the same to our vets.  

Now wait a minute.  Convince me that some stranger knows my vet or that my vet knows anyone who knows how they're feeling BETTER than me or my vet does.  I'm not buying it.  So now the caregiver is made even more uncomfortable because they've been told they know less about someone they love and they've gotten the double whammy of being told they're just not capable of handling things.  That's not character building and now it's possible there is a wall in a relationship that might not have been there before.

Consider this from the veteran's perspective.  The vet talks to the person they trust probably the most about the subject and thinks they have made a wise choice.   But it all goes sideways because caregivers are being told they can't handle this.  If then the next stop is diversion to a crisis hotline and the call goes well the vet is still left to believe that their person who they chose to trust, probably for good reasons, isn't who they're SUPPOSED to talk with.  The vet is left feeling that they don't know themselves, can't make sound decisions and suicidal statements of any kind will get the police called to take them for supervision on a psych unit.  Obviously, you don't want to dis-empower someone who is experiencing a symptom that can kill them.  But having been through this that is exactly what happens.  

Many vets have vowed never to call for help if they need it and since they were told either explicitly or implicitly that they should have known not to talk to the person/people they trust, now the system has very effectively isolated them.  Sadly, isolation is also a symptom that has a high potential to kill and has been proven to drive people over the edge who were plainly functional before they were isolated.  If this sounds too extreme consider the topic.

Now consider that we train our military to kill people.  Every single person in the military, unless they didn't make it out of their initial training, is trained to kill.  Right now we have a slew of folks coming home who have been in theater, reacting, and their transition back to civilian life or even just every day military life at home is completely different.  When you have viewed life through red alert long enough, fight or flee, kill or be killed, or freeze to avoid any notice, NOTHING is normal anymore.  Every single thing is processed through this new normal.  Healing can be had but it doesn't happen overnight and if we don't encourage people to talk who have been trained to kill, the results, as proven already by statistics, are going to be horrible.

My bottom line is this.  I've been there.  I've attempted and failed.  I've thought a lot about that and I've still thought about dying by my own hands.  I have watched the aftermath of that and also experienced suicide this winter by a friend of someone who is very dear to me who was brilliant and had a beautiful wife and baby girl.  His diagnosis?  Major Depression.  Depression didn't kill him; suicidality as a taboo symptom acted out killed him.  I have isolated myself from people who might listen because I'm terrified they won't.  Why?  Because I've been told I'm wrong and crazy and that somebody knows better than me about me and somebody knows better than the people who love me.

I am certain this is wrong.  We need to push for VA and the DoD to help caregivers and veterans and/or those still enlisted to OPENLY talk about suicide.  We need to talk about that SYMPTOM because there's a good chance in this case the diseases and disorders can be managed but that symptom will kill you.  We need to stop punishing and demeaning people who may not be trained in psych but do possess common sense and love their people.  The folks who love me can call 911 just as easily as somebody in a call center and they might actually be able to speak intelligently about what led up to the symptom escalating.  We need to stop punishing people who have this symptom and want to just talk because if somebody is actively suicidal the Hell in their mind is far greater than any punitive or embarrassing action someone will take against them.  Too many veterans have closed their mouths because of interactions like this.  We need to let our heroes come home again, no matter how many years later, without the stigma.

Until the statistics change for the better we need to keep talking about SUICIDE.  We need to form groups to talk ABOUT SUICIDE.  We need to stop telling people that a symptom is a crime because though not taken to prison, suicide is against the law in every state in this nation.  We need to empower people to lift one another up.  We need to enable and encourage caregivers and their vets to talk about this subject openly and to invite in care as they need and want it.  We need to have a complete change of policy with DoD so that enlisted military can talk without fear of repercussion.  We need to recognize that this is a United States of America problem and we all have a responsibility to unite and help shift it to a living solution. 

The greatest wars are the ones fought in our hearts.  Let's bring these warriors hearts together in respect and understanding.  It is long past time.

With Great Peace and Hope,

A USA vet 

© 2012


*Image created in Tagzedo

  

  

Have You Experienced 'The Shrug'?

Greetings, friends,

If actions speak louder than words, it appears the road ahead is rocky indeed. However, there IS hope if we persist in idea exchange and candid communication.

In this context, The Shrug is the non-verbal equivalent of "whatever". Every example below comes directly from VCG families.  Do you recognize any of the following examples of The Shrug as you've traveled the Care Continuum? 

You're a caregiver for an active duty service member (DoD side) and after a year, you don't have a stable Triad, you are chastised for missing appointments you didn't know about, and you work to dress your soldier with severe pain and depression for morning formation, and when you ask why? Shrug.

As the Caregiver, you're moving into the rehabilitation phase of the service member's injury. You have no Comprehensive Care Plan, your daily load is very heavy, and you're living at the hospital/medical center with your spouse, adult child, sibling. You may be a single service member and you lack a Caregiver to advocate for you and your visible and invisible injuries. Both of you ask for help or resources that don't function as the brochure, website, or briefing said they would. Shrug.

As the Caregiver, you're trying to make ends meet, you've lost your job (by email), the household bills don't stop, and you're full-time caregiving while living away from the home you're trying to keep, children who need to start school in a week, and you ask for assistance. Very little exists unless you fit a particular set of circumstances for a specific NPO. Shrug. If you are in the DC area, also get ready to move with your service member to a new facility where you begin anew and now need to carry a map along with the new staff. Shrug.

As the Caregiver, you're finally home and in the VA system, your Vet has serious medical and emotional conditions and you know you cannot work, nor are you finding it smoother to communicate with the new medical professionals at the VA Medical Center. You're still requesting a Comprehensive Care Plan... You are now an expert at leaving voicemail and writing succinct emails. Shrug. The bills continue to mount, the ratings and funds are greatly delayed, your family wonders why you put up with your spouse or child's now-unfiltered behavior (PTSD/TBI), and your neighbors forgot you after the welcome home cookout. Shrug.

As the Caregiver, you're home after a serious suicide attempt by your Vet, you have sheltered your children or other family, but now those invisible wounds of war are exposed -- and you're really very scared and scarred yourself. Your calls to various coordinators are not returned for many days and when they are, they are either unable to assist or cannot until/unless you fill out more or duplicative paperwork. HIPAA is used as a barrier when you hold the medical and general POA's for your Vet. The helplines you call refer you to your local facilities, but you've already been down that road, or why would you call them? Shrug.

Continuing on, your Veteran is angry and depressed at the caregiving toll on you. Or, the Vet could also be angry with you for not making their world what it once was. (BTW, no one could ever fit in those tight shoes...) Personal counseling is impossible to schedule with your caregiving responsibilities, though you now feel as though you have secondary PTSD/anxiety/depression. Your world is closing in on you and you're merely coping, numb, or ready to quit. You have enlisted a good VSO, your state Dept. of VA, and your U.S. Senator and Congressman, and the machinations still go in a circle. You are adrift, feel overwhelmed, a wee bit furious, and very, very exhausted. Shrugs aplenty.

You're a single Veteran and you have done your level best to find a way to quietly obtain information, care, and resume your life to the best of your ability. You advocate for yourself and you feel isolated and forgotten. You may have experienced MST, homelessness, loss of your buddies, your ability to return to work or school, and you aren't sure who you really are anymore. Unreturned calls, ignored pleas for help, and a shrunken world only reinforce your perception of being "disposable". Shrug?

Most of life's successes result from great communication. So too the worst failures.

Let's replace The Shrug with respectful, two-way communication and understanding, shall we?  With open minds, logic, and compassionate care, this change is very possible.  Here's working toward that change together!

Linda

Suicide - Active or Passive.

Suicide is not a subject that many people want to discuss, however given the huge numbers of service men and women who are dying, not in combat, but from suicide, we need to not only discuss it but to work long and hard to prevent it.
We know about the active suicides to some extent. These are the ones where they are found with a gun in their hand and a last note written to friends or family. These are bad enough, but what I have been thinking a lot about are the passive suicides. These are the ones where the will to live is lost. Even though there may be no gun involved, there is a certain intent to come to an end of the current existence in some way. Often I believe it is not so much the though of “I want to die” but of “I cannot live like this”.
If we acknowledge that suicide, any suicide, is the result of stressors being way larger than the ability to cope, then we see that death, whether active or passive, could be viewed as the only possible option.
Standing on the outside, it is hard to know what goes on in someone else’s mind. It would be easy to say that there are many other options other than death. However, these same stressors can prevent anyone from being able to see the other options or being able to act on them, even if they are there. This is one reason why family support is so very important in suicide prevention.
I do have to say though, after dealing with the VA for so many years, I wonder how they believe that the options given to some of our service personnel could result in anything other than a desire to die, either quickly with a gun, or slowly in a passive way. I see such things as depression and lack of good pain control as being two huge hurdles that so many Vets have to deal with. Vets are expects to ‘suck it up’ and try and live with or ignore the pain and this is not only physical pain but also emotional pain. Being able to ‘suck it up’ is possible for most of us on a short term basis. Most of our Vets are dealing with this over the long term. Living in constant pain becomes so wearing that almost any alternative would be a relief. I know there are Veterans who believe that their family would be better off if they were gone. Their spouse would get over it and find happiness with someone else. Many Vets try and alleviate the pain and depression with alcohol or illegal drugs. Once these enter the picture, rational thought is distorted and suicide may seem to be the best or only choice.
There is also another and darker aspect to the medications that so many Vets are given. Veterans who indicate depression are almost guaranteed to be given an antidepressant. The problem is that so many antidepressants actually make things worse rather than better, and can cause someone to take their own life.
I do not think that the VA takes this seriously enough. They do not pay enough attention to the things that they are doing, or in many cases not doing, which causes someone to think of suicide.
I do not have any magic answer for this but I do know that unless we bring this out into the open and discuss it, we are going to lose a lot of valuable human beings whose lives will be cut short far too soon.